Happy Mother's Day...

For a stretch of several years, this day made me want to close my eyes and count the moments until midnight – I sought to bury myself and hide from the ache that exists when you can no longer be soothed by your mother’s embrace… however, this year, this day is different.  

I look at my daughter’s face and see my mother in her smile.  I see her again in the way that my wife has so elegantly taken to the role of mother herself...  So today I stand, eyes open, ready to scale a mountain so as to sing my gratitude for all of you who play the role of motherhood – as if one day to do so were even enough. 

To my most amazing wife – you are a constant for not only your daughter, but also for me - a reminder of everything worth celebrating… you sustain us, lift us, and carry us both.  I watch in amazement every single day as you care for her with delicacy and protect her with ferocity.  You love her with grace and strength insurmountable.  You strive on, no matter what, and inspire us as you do. 

Though she can’t express it this year, and may as well struggle to show it in years to come, I see our daughter’s indescribable admiration in her gorgeous eyes, and I hear it in her every giggle.  I don’t believe I can find the words myself to describe the eternal gratitude that I have for you and what you do for us both… but I do know that my heaven is hearing to the two of you laugh together for the rest of my life.  

Mirror, mirror...

My wife teases me about the fact that our child looks exactly like a mini-Jeremy in drag.  As for myself, I think I would (and will) make a lovely looking lady... all kidding aside, it's pretty sweet to have a little being that looks like you and loves you to bits and pieces...  I can only hope we grow into other similarities, whether it be an affinity for shiny things in the distance...

...completely irrational fits of rage...

....or just the little things in life...

...Wait... no... I can't lie - I'm kinda grossed out just by the thought of putting my own thumb in my own mouth. This was not an easy picture for me.  Who really enjoys that?  Seriously.  Babies are gross.

This is my serious face...

A few weeks ago, we took a family trip to the grocery store and we were once again reminded as to how much more amazing the mundane can be with some baby love in tow...

Apparently though, Loreli did not feel the same ardor. Within 5 minutes of being in the store, two strangers had commented on the seriousness of her face.

I considered that maybe she thought we had found some sort of infinite food paradise and got into strict business mode once she realized that how many people already knew about this place...

Then, this past weekend, we took a family trip to the New Britain Museum of American Art, and we got the same thing from our usually sweet, giggly girl - just straight up StoneFace McBabyPants.

There was even one old lady who awkwardly failed in trying to play peekaboo with her, using my shoulders as a blockade. After a solid few minutes of me squirming on the inside while this poor old woman popped up behind me like a meerkat, Loreli eventually made it clear to her she was not going to be amused.

I've considered whether our daughter has inherited my inclination to always remain guarded among others, or if perhaps this old lady was just the worst peekabooer in the history of mankind... but either way - it's apparent my little girl has a lengthy vetting process for anyone attempting to gain her approval.

Long story short, this might very well be the last, and perhaps only good news I ever receive with regards to her future love life.

If you think that's a serious face, just wait my dear...

My type...

It's not easy being a fantastic mother. The type of mother who will make monkey sounds and dance around in public just to raise her baby's smile. The type of mother who raids every drawer to find that Punky Brewster meets Audrey Hepburn style.

It's not easy being an amazing wife. The type of wife who seduces the word flexible with the word versatile. The type of wife who can slap on a clown nose and still take it to eleven on the sexy dial.

It's not easy to find someone to run away with, mile after mile... someone to holds hands with, to breathe deeply with, as you walk down the aisle.

But somehow, I found her... and somehow, she does it... Every single day she does it all.

Here's to the happiest of birthdays for the most fantastic mother, the most amazing wife, and the best person I've ever known...

Refresher course...

Promises, promises... and another month flies by. Here's to another deep breath, raise of the glass, and old-fashioned try to jump back in.

There just don't seem to be enough moments in these days - but when she curls into all I love and when she looks up to smile - there are more than enough moments to remind me...
Life is good.

January Jones...

I know I have much more in me than one paltry post a month (here's to even more resolutions!), but there should be no excuses for my lack of presence here... however, as busy as we've been, I believe it's more a result of a hard comedown from the insanity of this past holiday season more than anything that's been keeping me currently... anyway, it's time to strap on my cape and smack this blog in the ass once again.

A brief update: Our little one won't stop growing, and though her days of fitting into her superbabygirl outfit may be long gone, her superbabyblues still remain...

Merry Christmas!

Anticipation...

Though she probably doesn't even quite understand the difference between tonight and tomorrow yet... I still think I saw a glimmer of anticipation in our little one's eyes before going to bed about what magic this coming morning may bring.

We spent a bit of time explaining the whole process and...

...pretty sure she's beyond ready for the big man to arrive.

The difference a day makes...

More than anything, today is a day to celebrate life, and how it moves forward ever so beautifully. If only it didn't move ever so quickly.

I would do anything to slow it all down... to find even just one extra moment with her...

Whether it's six months or seven years, it all seemingly passes in a blink of an eye.






All my riches for even a moment more...

What will become...

Sometimes the sun sets just so… and you revel in the idea that you’ve got it all figured out...

And then you take your daughter outside for a mild autumn afternoon dressed like a stuffed sausage prepared to battle an arctic chill.

It's then that you remember how you have absolutely no idea what you’re doing. Even after adjusting for her, all it takes is one look to confirm the notion.

And then you remember just how small you are in the realm of it all, and that the only thing to do is to focus on the untamed, uncontrollable beauty in your life, in your child, and in that sunset…

And revel in how it is just so…

When November ends...

For the past several years, this has always been an incredibly arduous month for innumerable reasons. This time around though, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to put a November in the books…

Unstuck in time...

As a result of the chaos of this past month, we’ve missed putting up quite a few unforgettable moments here - most notably Halloween – quite possibly my favorite holiday of the year. So without further ado…

When I was growing up in Upstate New York, it wasn’t unheard of to have your costume covered by a winter jacket as you walked around on Halloween night, collecting candy and dodging snowflakes. Apparently, Loreli will be able to say the same thing…

While the late October snowstorm may have devastated our trees, our tolerance, our power, and our plans, there remained an indescribable joy to be found in seeing a daughter’s look of complete wonderment upon her first taste of winter wonderland.

To have to turn such freshly attuned attention from the heaven-bound magic of snow to the craziness of costume cannot be easy, but Loreli made the transition as smooth as possible…

Say hello to our very own Chicken Little.

After all, this whole ordeal started with Loreli’s first glimpse of a snowfall… so I would expect nothing less than to have her running around, fire in her eyes, begging the world to believe that the sky is indeed falling.

Loreli's First Thanksgiving

Over the past decade, my husband and I have traveled for every major holiday. Because we live a few hours away from our hometowns, and because we cherish the time we get to spend with our families, over the years we've journeyed to our respective homes to spend time with those we love most. This year, though, we decided to stay put, to start to build our own traditions for our daughter.

This turkey day, Jeremy, Loreli, and I were lucky enough to have family--and the best of friends (Thanks Josh and Hiroko!) come to visit us--so for the past few days, we were all able to soak up the love of my parents, sister, nephew, and niece.

As I get older, and especially now that I'm a mother myself, I have a greater appreciation for the people and moments that have shaped my world. Having a child has made me realize--in a way that perhaps no other experience could--just how important the support and love of family and friends is. I am so thankful.

When Loreli and I came downstairs this morning, she peered around the staircase, looking, I think, for the smiles of her cousins or the outstretched arms of her Mimi to greet her as they have in the past couple of days. And even though she didn't find them, I know that the love she felt while they were here has touched her in a way that only family can.

So it goes...

There have been a million reasons as to why my voice has been missing here for the past month… however, there is one reason that has left me no choice but to cry aloud, if just for this moment.

Because of time and distance, because of circumstance and solitude, I’ve seen a number of friends fade over the past decade. It has been my fault as much as anyone else’s for these detachments, and many times I simply count on the possibility to rekindle those relationships in the future… but the older I get, the more I seem to realize that the souls under my own roof - those within my grasp that I can hold ever so tightly as to feel their breath - they are the ones I will always rely on to get by… I count on them to help me survive these most trying of days. They are my sanity, my levity, my gravity. They have been, and always will be, the sustenance to my heart, my dreams… my everything. Above all else, they remain. They remind me what truly matters.

Under this roof, my wife and my child serve as the inspiration for my every breath. However, over the years, we’ve surrounded ourselves as a little family with the loving presence of a few other faces, who became not only friends, but also family members – one longer than all of the others. For nearly as long as I have known my wife, I’ve been accompanied on adventures by what was at first just a sweet little kitten we named Prelude… over time he quickly grew to be a charming pet, and he endured as the dearest of friends.

Yesterday, I lost him as well.

I feel more broken than I have in a long time... I realize an ode to a pet, however loving, may never be well-received, but I have lost a friend of the truest kind - one who did nothing but listen and love - and it's left me in pieces.

When I think of him, I’m torn apart knowing this was my decision. I’m torn apart remembering him trying to bury his face and hide as much of himself as he could in my wife’s arms just moments before. I’m torn apart thinking how I much I tried to convince him at his very final moment that that my arms were the safest place to be…

There is no need for reassuring words that this was the right thing to do, that this was best for all of us, or that on the horizon lay a better place for him or brighter times for me.

There is no need to remind me that it’s only because life is worth it, that we suffer so when the lights dim for good…

After all, our time is short, and it would be best spent holding on to those that remain… ever so tightly.

Country road...

We took a family trip to Momma's hometown this weekend and had a great time with the family celebrating the birthdays of Loreli's cousins. Though we wish we had more time to soak up all of the love and laughter, we'll take it whenever we can get it.

On our way back home, I figured that as fast as Loreli has been growing up, it was finally time to give the little miss a chance behind the wheel...
She did alright for a first-timer... though she did have a bit of trouble keeping her eyes on the road.

The middle of a dream...

I shouldn't even be putting this in writing for fear of the inevitable jinx, but Little Miss Loreli has slept for an average of 12 hours straight for the past 3 nights. We think it's pretty obviously in direct relation to the rice cereal we've been putting in her belly, but whatever the cause, I think these are the first consecutive nights my wife has slept through the night in about a year.

It's crazy when I look at the picture above and think how quickly we've gotten to this point from the first few nights of her life, when she was allowing us about an hour of sleep at a time.

In a weird way, I miss those moments of holding her and soothing her throughout the night... sometimes sleep can be overrated, but the happiness I get from solving her problems, even at 3 am, is beyond words.

The sleep is pretty sweet too though.

Happy Birthday Riley!

My other baby—my Riley dog—is turning two today. To celebrate, we took him and Loreli to the dog park, something Jeremy and I used to do often, but since Loreli’s arrival, we haven’t done at all.

It was a perfect fall day. Crisp air. Blue sky. Perfect. It felt so good to be outside.

While we were there, Riley did the typical dog stuff. Lots of running, tail wagging, and butt sniffing—all with a giant grin on his silly dog face. He also greeted all of the people at the park. In fact, it started to seem like he was more interested in the people than the dogs, an unusual course of action for our active puppy. He even came whenever I called him, an even more unusual action for Riley. We began to realize that he really is all grown up - that his puppiness has waned and, in its stead, is lots of… dogginess.

Adding Loreli to our mixed up pack—comprised of 2 cats, 2 turtles, and 2 years ago, Riles Barkley himself—has been a big transition for all of us. For Riley, though, it’s meant a total shift of our attention, and he’s handled it pretty well. Much to Jeremy’s dismay, Riley eagerly tries to lick Loreli’s slobbery chin, her tasty toes, and her irresistible ear lobes. When we’re on the floor together, Riley sits right by her side and watches her. I think he’s almost as amazed with her as we are. He even leaves her toys alone. Not a single stuffed animal or rattle has been chewed…yet.

I’m happy that Loreli will be able to grow up with Riley by her side, and I’m pretty sure he’s happy about it too.

Civic doodie...

I answered the call of judicial justice today and served my time on jury duty... for the first time ever. I'm not sure how I dodged it for a decade,but apparently my time finally caught up to me.

As a result, I had to drop the little miss off to daycare earlier than I've ever had to before, and when I did, I informed her teachers that she had not done her "business" in over a day (apparently introducing rice cereal has some binding effects). Perhaps informed is the wrong word... I suppose warned would be a better fit.

When I picked her up later in the day, I noticed on her daily report card that her teachers felt it prudent to relate that one of her diaper changes was, in fact, epic.

I had guessed that Loreli had dropped the bomb on them when I first walked in and saw her in a different outfit than when I dropped her off... I think she had the slightest hint of a smirk as well.

It made for a fitting end to a day spent in between my new friends - an obese woman, snoring and spread-eagle, and a man who smelled like Fritos, and not in a good way.

Big poopy indeed.

Future's so bright...

All my love to my beautiful bride and my bad-ass baby for a wonderful weekend...

Snap Crackle Mom & Pop

Loreli got her first taste of "solids" this weekend - a bit of rice cereal mixed with some good ole' boobie juice. At first she thought it may have been a mistake and politely removed it from her mouth to give back to us.

Once we explained that this was going to become routine, she of course expressed her disbelief...and then her acceptance...

and then her agreement that this was, in fact, awesome.

Riley, meanwhile, will wait as long as it takes for his first taste of rice cereal...

Soon, Riley, soon...