When November ends...

For the past several years, this has always been an incredibly arduous month for innumerable reasons. This time around though, I don’t think I’ve ever been happier to put a November in the books…

Unstuck in time...

As a result of the chaos of this past month, we’ve missed putting up quite a few unforgettable moments here - most notably Halloween – quite possibly my favorite holiday of the year. So without further ado…

When I was growing up in Upstate New York, it wasn’t unheard of to have your costume covered by a winter jacket as you walked around on Halloween night, collecting candy and dodging snowflakes. Apparently, Loreli will be able to say the same thing…

While the late October snowstorm may have devastated our trees, our tolerance, our power, and our plans, there remained an indescribable joy to be found in seeing a daughter’s look of complete wonderment upon her first taste of winter wonderland.

To have to turn such freshly attuned attention from the heaven-bound magic of snow to the craziness of costume cannot be easy, but Loreli made the transition as smooth as possible…

Say hello to our very own Chicken Little.

After all, this whole ordeal started with Loreli’s first glimpse of a snowfall… so I would expect nothing less than to have her running around, fire in her eyes, begging the world to believe that the sky is indeed falling.

Loreli's First Thanksgiving

Over the past decade, my husband and I have traveled for every major holiday. Because we live a few hours away from our hometowns, and because we cherish the time we get to spend with our families, over the years we've journeyed to our respective homes to spend time with those we love most. This year, though, we decided to stay put, to start to build our own traditions for our daughter.

This turkey day, Jeremy, Loreli, and I were lucky enough to have family--and the best of friends (Thanks Josh and Hiroko!) come to visit us--so for the past few days, we were all able to soak up the love of my parents, sister, nephew, and niece.

As I get older, and especially now that I'm a mother myself, I have a greater appreciation for the people and moments that have shaped my world. Having a child has made me realize--in a way that perhaps no other experience could--just how important the support and love of family and friends is. I am so thankful.

When Loreli and I came downstairs this morning, she peered around the staircase, looking, I think, for the smiles of her cousins or the outstretched arms of her Mimi to greet her as they have in the past couple of days. And even though she didn't find them, I know that the love she felt while they were here has touched her in a way that only family can.

So it goes...

There have been a million reasons as to why my voice has been missing here for the past month… however, there is one reason that has left me no choice but to cry aloud, if just for this moment.

Because of time and distance, because of circumstance and solitude, I’ve seen a number of friends fade over the past decade. It has been my fault as much as anyone else’s for these detachments, and many times I simply count on the possibility to rekindle those relationships in the future… but the older I get, the more I seem to realize that the souls under my own roof - those within my grasp that I can hold ever so tightly as to feel their breath - they are the ones I will always rely on to get by… I count on them to help me survive these most trying of days. They are my sanity, my levity, my gravity. They have been, and always will be, the sustenance to my heart, my dreams… my everything. Above all else, they remain. They remind me what truly matters.

Under this roof, my wife and my child serve as the inspiration for my every breath. However, over the years, we’ve surrounded ourselves as a little family with the loving presence of a few other faces, who became not only friends, but also family members – one longer than all of the others. For nearly as long as I have known my wife, I’ve been accompanied on adventures by what was at first just a sweet little kitten we named Prelude… over time he quickly grew to be a charming pet, and he endured as the dearest of friends.

Yesterday, I lost him as well.

I feel more broken than I have in a long time... I realize an ode to a pet, however loving, may never be well-received, but I have lost a friend of the truest kind - one who did nothing but listen and love - and it's left me in pieces.

When I think of him, I’m torn apart knowing this was my decision. I’m torn apart remembering him trying to bury his face and hide as much of himself as he could in my wife’s arms just moments before. I’m torn apart thinking how I much I tried to convince him at his very final moment that that my arms were the safest place to be…

There is no need for reassuring words that this was the right thing to do, that this was best for all of us, or that on the horizon lay a better place for him or brighter times for me.

There is no need to remind me that it’s only because life is worth it, that we suffer so when the lights dim for good…

After all, our time is short, and it would be best spent holding on to those that remain… ever so tightly.

Country road...

We took a family trip to Momma's hometown this weekend and had a great time with the family celebrating the birthdays of Loreli's cousins. Though we wish we had more time to soak up all of the love and laughter, we'll take it whenever we can get it.

On our way back home, I figured that as fast as Loreli has been growing up, it was finally time to give the little miss a chance behind the wheel...
She did alright for a first-timer... though she did have a bit of trouble keeping her eyes on the road.

The middle of a dream...

I shouldn't even be putting this in writing for fear of the inevitable jinx, but Little Miss Loreli has slept for an average of 12 hours straight for the past 3 nights. We think it's pretty obviously in direct relation to the rice cereal we've been putting in her belly, but whatever the cause, I think these are the first consecutive nights my wife has slept through the night in about a year.

It's crazy when I look at the picture above and think how quickly we've gotten to this point from the first few nights of her life, when she was allowing us about an hour of sleep at a time.

In a weird way, I miss those moments of holding her and soothing her throughout the night... sometimes sleep can be overrated, but the happiness I get from solving her problems, even at 3 am, is beyond words.

The sleep is pretty sweet too though.

Happy Birthday Riley!

My other baby—my Riley dog—is turning two today. To celebrate, we took him and Loreli to the dog park, something Jeremy and I used to do often, but since Loreli’s arrival, we haven’t done at all.

It was a perfect fall day. Crisp air. Blue sky. Perfect. It felt so good to be outside.

While we were there, Riley did the typical dog stuff. Lots of running, tail wagging, and butt sniffing—all with a giant grin on his silly dog face. He also greeted all of the people at the park. In fact, it started to seem like he was more interested in the people than the dogs, an unusual course of action for our active puppy. He even came whenever I called him, an even more unusual action for Riley. We began to realize that he really is all grown up - that his puppiness has waned and, in its stead, is lots of… dogginess.

Adding Loreli to our mixed up pack—comprised of 2 cats, 2 turtles, and 2 years ago, Riles Barkley himself—has been a big transition for all of us. For Riley, though, it’s meant a total shift of our attention, and he’s handled it pretty well. Much to Jeremy’s dismay, Riley eagerly tries to lick Loreli’s slobbery chin, her tasty toes, and her irresistible ear lobes. When we’re on the floor together, Riley sits right by her side and watches her. I think he’s almost as amazed with her as we are. He even leaves her toys alone. Not a single stuffed animal or rattle has been chewed…yet.

I’m happy that Loreli will be able to grow up with Riley by her side, and I’m pretty sure he’s happy about it too.